1.25.2012

i love you, mr. lonely


It's not always the easiest thing to find comfort in being alone. The silence can be deafening. The only movement is my own chest rising and falling with each breath. The only thoughts spoken are the ones replaying in my head. There are even those moments when I question whether I said them aloud or if they stayed locked tight in the confines of my brain.

To shoo away the loneliness I tend to surround myself with people, but eventually their company wears out and they have to head home. It's those moments of goodbye that the loneliness creeps in. It feels like chilly fingertips wiggling their way towards my insides. It's eery.

I'm uncertain as to what makes loneliness such a scary feeling. It's as if an empty home is being built inside me, brick by brick. There is no fire burning in the fireplace. There is no tea kettle whistling on the stove. There are no echoes of animated voices in the halls. It's a model home that isn't being shown to any potential buyers.

Now before I plunge anymore into a depressing post, it's not meant to be that way. This a place for uplifting thoughts so let me get to it...

I've given up being up in arms over loneliness. I can't chase it off. I can only embrace it with a big ol' bear hug. I realize that being alone, doesn't mean being unhappy. There is a beauty in loneliness and I'm taking the time to look for it. That means exploring the silence, studying my own motions, and playing out my thoughts. There is no need to be afraid of being alone with myself. It only means I'm growing. It only means I'm finding contentedness. It only means my soul is doing a little searching.

While I have a love/hate relationship with Mr. Lonely, it's in those trying times that I need to remind myself how beautiful our relationship really is. He let's me write without covering up the pages of my journals with my arms. He let's me sing and strum on my guitar without hurting the ears of innocent listeners. He lets me eat the strangest combination of food for a meal. Think PB&J with a side of nachos and a pickle. He reminds me that my quirks are strange, but unique. He makes me appreciate what makes me, me.

1 comment:

  1. lonly can feel as tho it will last forever,same as fear ,happiness,sadness,anger..The secret is to know that is a short time all feelings will change as they always do .with time and wisdom you will understand that its just a passing of thoughts and emotions.try to just name the feeling lonly lonly lonly,anger anger anger,do this without getting attached to the emotion ,and soon you will discover that everything always changes.everything except change it self...

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