I've had a lot of lovely ladies asking for advice on what to do in a...
Break up, n. The ending of a personal, especially a romantic, relationship.
Simple to define, but not so simple to understand. Not so easy to go through. Sometimes it knocks the wind out of you. It's completely unexpected. It causes your knees to buckle and the only safe haven is the ground you're about to collapse to. Sometimes it creeps up on you. It draws out over time. While goodbye is the only option, the word is too difficult to say. Each heart-wrenching time, whether quick or slow, right or wrong, merely sad or devastating, is the end.
The end isn't something that is easy to come to terms with. It means waving familiarity goodbye and bracing yourself for change. One you never saw coming. Never planned on. Never hoped for. Never wanted to endure alone because you didn't think you'd have to.
You try to fight it, pleading and crying. You become desperate. You don't want to lose the person who so easily crept into your heart. You don't want to lose the tiniest moments that were so big to you. You don't want to lose all the time you spent wishing and working at it, only to see it go.
It isn't easy. I've spent the past few months going through it. There were so many questions whirling around in my head. So many pangs in my heart. So many wishes I still would shut my eyes tight for. I felt. I felt every repercussion of a breakup. I felt every feeling that sparks at the impact of a sudden end.
Through it all, I found that there has to be a point of acceptance. Accepting the end. Accepting the losses. Accepting the hurt. This is the point of moving on. Again, a term that is simple to define, but not so simple to understand.
I have searched my head and heart to understand the act (or art) of moving on. To understand how. To understand why we have to. I've been scribbling notes on napkins, papers, journals. Typing notes onto my laptop. Entering notes into my phone. Grabbing every thought I have on the matter and placing it somewhere safe and unforgettable. This is what I've learned...
It is moving forward with your head held high, even if your heart is low.
It is accepting what can not be, even if you struggle to understand why.
It isn't that you don't love them enough to fight for the relationship.
It is loving yourself more, and knowing when to end the battle for what once was.
It is forgiving the other person, and more importantly, yourself.
It is forgetting the fear of them finding someone else because you will do the same in time.
It is finding the strength to cut ties, no matter how difficult life may seem without them in it.
It is placing space between you and them in order for feelings to fade and hearts to heal.
It is pulling away when you would rather push your way back into their hearts and into a relationship.
It is properly balancing the good and the bad, and seeing which truly outweighed the other.
It is realizing how much emphasis you placed on the "good" to convince your friends, your family, and ultimately yourself, that it was right.
It is realizing they were not the right one, no matter how much you tried to turn a blind eye to it.
It is not feeling remorseful, but all the wiser for this realization.
It is being thankful for learning lessons that you once saw as mere mistakes, whether on your part or theirs.
It is not questioning what you did wrong because there are two people in every relationship.
It is knowing that you were enough, and that someday the right one will see you as more than enough.
It is hugging yourself when you are weak, and praising yourself when you are strong.
It is crying. A lot.
It is allowing yourself time to mend.
It is opening up your heart again, even if you are fearful.
It is realizing you are going to be okay.
Now, I am no expert on the matter. We all love in our own ways. We all feel in our own ways. We all move on in our own ways. That's what is beautiful about relationships, even in their demise. But if I could ease the breaking of your heart by just a little, then sharing was well worth it.
